QotW: Three Reminders For Whenever You Feel Lost
Question of the week:
What three things do you need to remind yourself whenever you feel lost?
Years ago, my therapist asked me this question. Or specifically, she asked what three traits are essential for me to feel like myself. After a week of pondering her query, I came up with the following: connection, learning, and self-expression. So now, whenever I feel like I’m adrift or I’m losing my sense of self, I give my self these three reminders:
Life’s all about connection.
Years ago, I learned that intelligence is defined not by the number of brain cells, but the number of connections (or synapses) between them. Now if you take this micro idea and bring it into the macro, we can also see how that applies to people. Civilization is defined not by mere population, but by community. This is how we exchange ideas, move towards progress, and cultivate a real thriving culture.
Especially in my twenties, it was so tempting to romanticize the idea of independence at all costs. I wanted to prove that I could head out on my own, move from place to place, and make a name for myself wherever I go. Fortunately, I became aware of my folly and have stopped believing in the myth of the ‘self-made man.’ Anyone who’s gained any level of success has had people pave the way for them in a multitude of ways.
These days, I’m okay with admitting that I need people. I know that I wouldn’t be anything without community. And if I were to manage a life of total independence, it honestly just isn’t as fulfilling. A meal shared is better when one eaten alone. Life is richer when there are those with whom you can experience it.
So, whenever I feel lost, I have to assess if I have been taking care of my relationships. When was the last time I’ve caught up with a sibling or an old friend? Have I been of service to anyone in the community? Or have I been slinking back into solitude? If it’s the latter, then I know I need to get myself out there and reach out to someone.
If I’m not growing, I’m dying.
Forgive the dramatic sub-header. It’s just my way of ingraining this idea into my head. I have always had this need to keep learning. I’ve picked up and put down more hobbies than I can count. I’d gotten into skateboarding, photography, Brazilian jiujitsu, playing the piano, and now, rock climbing. For as long as I can remember, I always had to have some interest in which I can keep improving. I am deathly afraid of the feeling of simply drifting. And my most depressive episodes have been in seasons where I didn’t have some hobby to obsess over.
Now when I’m lost, I need to ask myself, what books have I been reading? Have I been spending anytime with people who are in some ways better than me? Is there some incremental way that I can improve my craft?
Creation should outweigh consumption.
Every now and then, I go through a time when I feel creatively constipated. I haven’t written any pieces, taken any photos, shot any films, or come up with any ideas. My initial reaction is to think I’ve been abandoned by the muse. The well has dried up. It was fun while it lasted, but that’s the end of my creative streak.
This knee-jerk reaction comes from the idea that creativity comes from this abstract, ethereal source. Some sort of spirit who occasionally bestows its blessings upon us mere mortals. However, as I’ve grown a bit older and more jaded, I’ve learned that creativity is a craft in itself. By that, I mean it’s something that requires constant practice.
Too many people (my younger self included) are too enticed by the idea of being a creative, rather than the actual act of creating. They sit around and wait until inspiration strikes. When will that happen? Who knows? This approach is silly and incredibly inefficient.
To find inspiration, one must actively seek it out. It doesn’t stop there though. You always have to keep making room for more inspiration. How do you do that? You keep creating. You take what you’ve consumed so far and synthesize that into something new. Maybe it’s terrible. Honestly, the first few tries, it’s almost guaranteed it’ll be terrible. Thankfully, the more you do it, the more you get into the practice of constantly burning those mental calories, the more efficient – and proficient – you become.
So whenever I feel lost, I go back to this innate need to create. Have I maintained a creative practice? Or have I reverted to the old idea of simply waiting for things to happen?
These three reminders have help me keep my mental health in check. They also remind me that I am not helpless against the feeling that I’m lost. My therapist gave me these tools, but she also made sure I practice the mantra of doing the work.
What about you? What are your three reminders?
If you liked this type of question and are interested in even more introspection, why not check out the Unstuck Yourself deck?